As the months keep moving along, and I keep immersing myself both in abject self-loathing (for many reasons - don't ask) and introspective search for a meaningful path forward on several working pieces of music, ideas surface in the form of keywords (those things that I can hang a mood or theme on) and mental riffing that often gets lost since I don't have a guitar handy to pull it out and put it down in digital form. And therein it becomes another reason for hopeless self-loathing...
That said, a few minor things were accomplished this month:
- the new improved and expanded HTFK I believe might have a better and more inspirational name - AntiMatter! The idea surfaced after reading of scientists efforts and presumed success in transporting antimatter through a realm of matter and all the difficulties in achieving this. It gained strength from remembering that antimatter has a rather explosive relationship with matter - if the two contact each other they release great (relative) amounts of intense energy. And that, my friends, is why it's the perfect new name for HTFK - a hatefuck by definition is the explosive release of tension between two people whose intense dislike for each other actually provokes an irresistible attraction and results in the act. Therefore - AntiMatter would be the much more politically correct and appropriate name for an enhanced piece of music that would have more sophistication.
- AntiMatter (the song) would likely have a subsection called HTFK within it - it may or may not be the song as it exists today, but it will have all the elements of the song in an arrangement that would promote and propel the progression of the musical whole. There wont be so much of a 'wank fest' guitar self love free form solo thing happening - any guitar will promote the themes that drive the piece of music forward.
- Dynamics are a very important building block for the piece as a whole - all the normal Svilpa'isms of rampant time signature changes, atonal Zappa'esque riffs, King Crimson like dischordant passages, etc... will still be part of the composition, but building dynamics through volume and rephrasing themes in alternating meters is something I want to make more prominent.
- The essential form of the music is established in my head - but as I mentioned I need to sit down and flesh it out in a renderable format. March will provide me with hopefully some time to do this, and as the weather cooperates by being thoroughly shitty outside - I'll be digging into my gray matter and extracting whatever I can.
There is very much a large degree of pressure on me to do this very soon - I'm putting the pressure on myself as other forces demand relocation to a warmer sunnier climate and all the preparation and situations that need to be in place will require my full attention. But I am determined that while I have my friends here available and eager to work on these new pieces of music I really need to make this happen. Who knows how long it will take to find compatible musician friends in the new place whenever that transition might happen...
I'm sad about needing to leave the PNW - its someplace where I truly grew into adulthood, grew confidence, and really grew the musical confidence to write, record and release material on my own. The opportunity had always existed back in London, Ontario where I grew up and spent most of my life - but the energy around me never suggested that any of this was possible, and that I would need to have some kind of backing from a record company or promoter to do any of this. Being here and needing to learn how to be fully self sufficient in every way made everything possible for me - and I really mean everything. Leaving here in the future is very intimidating in a far greater way than it was leaving London, Ontario to come here. But a part of being in a relationship is to support and improve the situations of your partner, and so this is my turn to do that. What will come in the future I don't know, but I hope it's going to be good however it turns out.